Understanding Miscarriage | Coping With Pregnancy Loss

Understanding Miscarriage & Coping With Pregnancy Loss
Understanding Miscarriage image If you are visiting this section, chances are that you have recently had the terrible misfortune of losing a baby to miscarriage or being born still. First of all, we wish to extend our deepest and most heartfelt condolences if this is the case.

This section is dedicated to assisting women experiencing a miscarriage, trying to conceive again, or are pregnant after enduring a loss or losses. The ultimate goal is to provide women with a haven of comfort and support that they generally cannot find in their local communities or workplaces.

Women who have undergone a miscarriage are usually faced with insensitive and sometimes well-meaning people who say the wrong things. Women who are grieving the loss of their babies experience disapproval, or worse yet, silence from those whom they thought they could trust to understand their pain. This web site exists to provide the understanding that these women need.

What is a miscarriage?
Miscarriage is the loss of a pregnancy in the first 20 weeks. About 15 to 20 percent of known pregnancies end in miscarriage, and more than 80 percent of these losses happen before 12 weeks. This doesn't include situations in which you lose a fertilized egg before you get a positive pregnancy test. Studies have found that 30 to 50 percent of fertilized eggs are lost before a woman finds out she's pregnant, because they happen so early that she goes on to get her period about on time. If you lose a baby after 20 weeks of pregnancy, it's called a stillbirth.

What can cause a miscarriage?
Between 50 and 70 percent of first trimester miscarriages are thought to be random events caused by chromosomal abnormalities in the fertilized egg. Most often, this means that the egg or sperm had the wrong number of chromosomes, and as a result, the fertilized egg can't develop normally.

In other cases, a miscarriage is caused by problems that occur during the delicate process of early development — for example, when an egg doesn't implant properly in the uterus or an embryo has structural defects that don't allow it to continue developing. Since most healthcare practitioners won't do a full-scale workup after a single miscarriage, it's usually impossible to tell why the pregnancy was lost. And even when a detailed evaluation is performed — say after you've had two or three consecutive miscarriages — the cause still remains unknown in about half of cases.

When the fertilized egg has chromosomal problems, you may end up with what's sometimes called a blighted ovum (now usually referred to in medical circles as an early pregnancy failure). In this case, the fertilized egg implants in the uterus and the placenta and gestational sac begin to develop, but the resulting embryo either stops developing very early or doesn't form at all. Because the placenta begins to secrete hormones, you'll get a positive pregnancy test and may have early pregnancy symptoms, but an ultrasound will show an empty gestational sac. In other cases, the embryo does develop for a little while but has abnormalities that make survival impossible, and development stops before the heart starts beating.

Once your baby has a heartbeat, which is usually visible on a ultrasound at around 6 weeks, your odds of having a miscarriage drop significantly.

How to cope after having a miscarriage
Coping with miscarriage is a very personal experience that every woman will do differently. Also it will depend on the gestational age of the baby before the miscarriage. Some women form a bond with their unborn child immediately upon the news that they are pregnant, while others only do when signs and symptoms of pregnancy begin.

It's My Fault - While coping with miscarriage many women believe that it is their fault that they miscarried. Many women will even feel that they are inadequate as a woman because they must be "defective" if they can not carry a pregnancy to term. While other women will wonder what they have done to deserve such a devastating experience.

It is not your fault! Approximately 40% of miscarriages have no medical explanation for their occurences. Also 50-60% of first trimester and 20% of second trimester miscarriages are due to chromosomal abnormatlities within the fetus.

Anger - Anger is a completely normal feeling during the process of coping with miscarriage. Women can feel anger towards God for "letting this happen", medical field for not preventing the miscarriage, anger towards others who are pregnant or have children, and even their significant other for not coping with miscarriage the way they think they should.

Anger is expected during the process of coping with miscarriage. Just understand that the anger is about the pregnancy loss and not having control over this devastating experience.
Be nice to your signifigant other because it's not their fault either and they may be hurting on the inside but may have trouble showing it on the outside.

Feeling of Depression - This feeling if it occurs has different severity for each person coping with miscarriage. However, a minority of women actually develop actual depression. Women may find themselves crying at odd times, not wanting to get out of bed at times, and feeling of hopelessness.

These are all normal feelings of grief. It is okay to cry and is actually healthy to cry. However, if these syptoms interfere with the woman's daily life after several weeks she may need to find addtional support through professional counseling, church, or family and friends.

I will never get pregnant again or I am afraid to get pregnant again - While coping with miscarriage it is only natural to feel that it may happen again to you. Especially when a lot of women try for a long time to get pregnant and then this devastating experience occurs.

90% of women who experience a miscarriage with the first pregnancy will have a successful second pregnancy. Do not give up hope while coping with miscarriage and allow yourself to grieve but do not loose the hope of having children some day.
Also realize that all women are afraid when they get pregnant again after a miscarriage. So do your best and try not to worry about "what if it happens again".

Conceiving after a miscarriage
Conceiving after miscarriage creates different feelings for each woman as well as differences among women and men. There are a lot of questions and fears that have to be addressed before most women feel that they are ready to attempt conceiving after miscarriage. Some women want to attempt conceiving after miscarriage right away while others want nothing to do with conceiving after miscarriage. It is a long road that no one can understand but the woman and man who are going through the miscarriage experience.

How long will the bleeding last after a miscarriage? Most women want to know how long they will have vaginal bleeding before they even think about conceiving after miscarriage. While this will vary from woman to woman, most women have vaginal bleeding for 4-5 days up to 2 weeks. However, if someone experiences a third trimester loss they may have vaginal bleeding up to 6 weeks. It is important that during that time the woman does not place anything within the vagina (no intercourse, no douching, no tampons).

Allow this time to let your body heal and cope with the loss you have just had.

No desire for sex - There are a lot of women who are left with no desire to have sex after a miscarriage which makes conceiving after miscarriage extremely difficult. Many women state that it reminds them to much of their unborn child and / or the miscarriage experience. Also many women agree that they are afraid of conceiving after miscarriage and having another miscarrige. Some women even admit that they do not feel that they are adequate enough as a woman since they can not carry a pregnancy to term. Many women's feelings of inadequancy leads them to feel sexually unattractive.

Allow your body and mind to heal before you consider conceiving after miscarriage. If sex is to painful then you must communicate that to your partner and try to make them understand it is still to difficult of a time. In time it will get easier and you will find that you want to become intimate again and conceiving after miscarriage is what you may want.
Also when you do attempt conceiving after miscarriage remember that 90% of women who have had one miscarriage have a successful next pregnancy, and even 60% of women who have had two miscarriages have a successful next pregnancy.

Desire to get pregnant right away - The desire to immediately attempt conceiving after miscarriage is a common feeling. A lot of women just really want to have a child and do not want to wait a few months before they attempt conceiving after miscarriage. It truly comes down to how you are dealing with your miscarriage. No one knows their body better than a woman does, so if she feels she is ready to attempt conceiving after miscarriagte then try.

It truly is up to the woman when she wants to attempt conceiving after miscarriage. However, make sure you have had time to mourn and cope with your loss and prepare your mind and body for pregnancy again before you attempt conceiving after miscarriage.
It is a good idea to at least wait until you have one normal menstrual cycle to allow your body to prepare itself for conceiving after miscarriage. Some physcians even say that you should wait for three menstrual cycles before you attempt conceiving after miscarriage. This is truly a decision that should be left up to the couple trying to attempt conceiving after miscarriage.

Not getting pregnant while trying - Many couples want to get pregnant right away the first time they try conceiving after miscarriage. The stress and emotions that will occur during this time is extremely difficult. Each month when a woman begins her menstrual cycle she will be reminded of the miscarriage and that she is not pregnant now when she should be. Most women agree that after they stopped timing and planning the sex and just let it happen they became pregnant.

Do not plan to get pregnant immediately after you decide to attempt conceiving after miscarriage. The stress of wanting to be pregnant will definately hinder the intimate sexual contact and make sex no longer enjoyable and more like a job.
The best way to get pregnant is have sex everyother day between the tenth and eighteenth day of the woman's menstrual cycle. However, be spontaneous and make it romantic and enjoyable.

The fear of having another miscarriage - Once a woman experiences a micarriage that fear of it happening again will be with her for every pregnancy there after. No one can understand the feeling of this fear except for someone who has experienced a miscarriage themselves and have been successful conceiving after miscarriage.

Do not be surprised at how scared you are once you become pregnant. It is natural to have this feeling and most women will have this fear for every additional pregnancy no matter how long ago the miscarriage was.
Be honest to your husband or loved one because they will not understand how you are feeling, even after you have one successful pregnancy.

More to come on Understanding Miscarriage...